Return of the Living Dead, 1985, dir. Dan O’Bannon. Trylon Cinema, Friday, October 21.

10 Reasons why Return of the Living Dead is the greatest zombie film. No, that’s pretentious, let’s just say it’s my favorite:

1. It’s hilarious from start to finish. Even stated parodies like Shaun of the Dead feel the need to get serious with their emotions, which is idiotic. These are zombies and whatever situation you’re in with them is not serious. Zombieland never takes itself serious, but that is a tedious fucking movie with pointless winking cameos.
2. Its cast is perfect. Thom Matthews as Freddy, the punk with a steady job and the silly suspenders and ballcap. Clu Gulager as the owner of the medical supply house. Don Calfa as the coroner who loves all things German. Linnea Quiqley, way too naked, but still awesome as Trash, the punk girl obsessed with the dead. All the punks, even if they’re not punks, are fantastic. And then there’s freaking James Karen (above), the manager of the medical supply house, who just throws every ounce of wonderful character actor technique at you. He absolutely makes the movie, and makes you feel good besides–just listening to him tell tales and reacting like a madman is such a joy. But everyone looks as though they’re having fun and doing good work.
3. Dan O’Bannon. The writer of Alien and Dark Star, the first very serious and the second truly ridiculous, seemed to know not to make this dumb movie “serious” or “important”. And thus, it’s amazing.
4. Time frame. The stories in most, if not all, zombie movies take far too long. The problem: zombies aren’t a very good antagonist. They are, with only one exception that I know of (this movie), incapable of thinking. They’re the byproduct of a virus or chemical. Because of this, zombies aren’t really an antagonist, they’re a natural event, literally like COVID-19. What I’ve discovered is that most zombie films start strong, the collapse of society and people freaking out being exciting and effective. Then they descend into human-on-human drama that is too often a vehicle for very shallow political commentary. All the action in Return of the Living Dead takes place in one day, from early evening to perhaps 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning of the next day, and concluding with a very literal bang. You keep the action going, you don’t get bogged down in the weary post-apocalyptic world-building of the other, lesser films.
5. Zombies that think and talk. To the last point, these zombies actually think and can speak, they reason and, at one great moment, explain themselves. And why not? I mean, zombies aren’t real, you can make them do whatever. And by making them able to think about their own needs and articulate, they can do things like, well, kill and eat cops and then get on the radio and garble out “send more cops” to dispatch, so that they keep the first responder buffet well stocked.
6. Awful music that is actually a blast. No further explanation needed.
7. Great sets and special effects. Ditto.
8. Very subtle political commentary and it doesn’t matter if you notice, agree with it or care. Return of the Living Dead is a critique of capitalism and the military and couldn’t be made today, in part because even the cheapest movies have too much CGI, and you just don’t make fun of the military or the police anymore.
9. The ending is bleaker than most zombie films, perhaps even the bleakest. And yet, it’s still hilarious. No spoilers, you’ll have to watch it yourself.
10. Because I’ve now seen it at a sold-out Trylon Cinema screening with insanely happy crowds dressed in Misfits t-shirts who hooted and hollered and laughed and that’s all the reason to rank it as the best zombie movie ever and no one can take that from me.